Abnormal Findings

A dark examination room. A blue gown. A kind ultrasound technician. Cold gel. A short wait. A masked doctor who says, "I know it's hard, but really, try not to worry about this." A longer wait. And then, a letter:

4/19/2023

"Dear Ms. Goodwin,

We wish to report the following on your imaging examination...

Your results are: Abnormal Findings...

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Abnormal.

Deviating from the normal.

Unusual in an unwelcome or problematic way.

This is what the dictionary says about "abnormal."

I've always been okay with being a bit "abnormal."

By choice.

But this... I didn't choose this.

I don't want this.

I don't want this.

I don't want this.

I don't want this.

I know I must find peace with what is, but my brain keeps swirling with what-ifs.

I feel a new (heavy) label trying to attach itself to me.

Abnormal.

Unusual.

Problematic.

Will I let this unexpected discovery distort my identity?

I take my letter to ACME Cafe- a restaurant I've been meaning to try for ages.

No time like the present.

The waiter recommends the broccoli cheddar omelet.

It is delicious.

He is being unreasonably kind.

Can he tell?

Do I look sick?

Am I sick?

I know the only way to stop the brain-swirling is to pray.

I start directing my thoughts to Jesus as I savor my sourdough toast and mixed berry jam.

God, what about my dreams?

Europe?

My first kiss?

Adopting a dog?

Writing the book?

Picking out furniture?

Can I hold on to these?

Or should I let them go before they shatter?

Lord, I'm scared.

Help me choose faith over fear.

I'm taking the doctor at her word.

I won't worry.

You feel far away, but I will believe you are close in this.

I trust You with all my dreams.

I know You will work this out.

---

I finish the last bite of toast and pay the tab.

Driving home, the phrase "Pressed, but not crushed," surfaces to mind over and over again.

I know it's from one of the epistles, but can't quite recall which one.

I sprawl out on the couch with my study Bible once I arrive.

2 Corinthians 4:6-18 NLT.

I read and read and read.

I start to cry (again).

7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

In the quiet, my spirit settles.

I understand abnormality in a whole new way.

I am nothing but a "fragile clay jar."

But within me? I hold GREAT treasure.

What kind of god puts his power in fragile clay jars?

The One who operates through the abnormal.

The One who works in the unusual.

The One who uses the problematic.

This passage was written for a church facing excruciating persecution.

They were being tortured for their faith.

Their "abnormality" was costing them everything.

In spite of their present horrors, they focused on what was bright and beautiful.

They looked toward the Light.

Paul continues to celebrate other abnormalities in the passage.

Sure, we are being pressed, BUT we are not crushed. Yep. It's been perplexing, BUT we are not in despair. Mhhhm. We are indeed being persecuted, BUT we are not forsaken. I know it's peculiar. We've been struck down, BUT we are not destroyed.

Will the same be said of me?

Will this be how I carry my abnormality?

Maybe it can be.

Honestly, this stinks.

It isn't going to be fun.

BUT, the pressing, perplexing, and persecuting isn't where the chapter ends.

Paul provides a "WHY:"

15All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. 16That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

---

I must refuse to let the dictionary or a medical diagnosis define "abnormal" for me.

I must choose to stand on the Word of God because the Author is a Man of His Word.

The letter I received on 4/19/23 is only a small, present trouble.

This body with its abnormal findings isn't meant to last very long.

But, my spirit is being renewed daily.

The glory produced through the struggle is forever.

So, I'm looking up.

Maybe someday when I arrive at that place prepared for me there will be a different letter waiting.

I hope it reads like this:

Dear Ms. Goodwin,

I wish to report the following on your life examination:

Your results are: Abnormal Findings

• You were burdened with troubles, but not crushed.

• You were perplexed, but you didn't camp out in despair.

• You were hunted and haunted, but you clung to Me.

• You were knocked down seven times, but you got up eight.

• You testified of My grace and I was glorified.

• You set your gaze on the eternal.

• You never gave up. You never gave up. You never gave up.

Well done,

The Great Physician

---

Health update

• 4/26/23- Doctors performed a successful core needle biopsy.

• 5/1/23- A nurse from pathology called and gave me a positive report: the tumor is benign. A consult is scheduled with surgery.

• 5/4/23- I attended the surgical consult. The surgeon recommended a lumpectomy.

• 5/31/23- I will be undergoing a lumpectomy and expect a great recovery.

I am blessed. And I am thankful.